The first thing I’ve noticed is that when I’m on the bus, I’m very private. I hate talking on the phone while I’m on the bus, because I really don’t want everyone else on board to know what I’m talking about. It’s not like I have incredibly private conversations or anything, I just get uncomfortable when other people know a lot about me and I don’t know who they are. I’m sure that’s normal, and Mark Knapp and Judith Hall say it is.1
Apparently, in an environment like a bus, where everyone is so transient, and we have no control over who is coming and going, we will more likely be private in our interactions and behaviour.
I behave differently depending on who’s riding the bus with me. Knapp and Hall also say that we unconsciously dub certain individuals as “unpersons,” so we will be more comfortable being ourselves around them. These “unpersons” are people like small children and bus drivers. After reading that, I realized that I do treat the bus driver very differently from the other people on the bus. I often will be the only person on the bus for a while, particularly later at night, because I live near the end of my bus route. Except in reality, I’m not the only person! There’s a bus driver on the bus too, I just dub him or her an unperson! How awful is that?
We also have a perception of familiarity in public places, which affects our social behaviour. I really noticed this in myself the other day when I rode a different bus route from my usual one. I have a very routine schedule. I take the same buses at the same times every week. It varies day to day, but I see the same people on my way to and from school or work every week. Obviously, I’m a little bit of a people watcher, but I feel like I know the people I usually ride the bus with, at least to some degree – I’m familiar with them. Getting on this strange bus for the time, I noticed I felt very uncomfortable and was deliberate with my actions (apparently that’s normal too!).
When I first started taking the bus, it was lonely getting on and off, not recognizing a single face, but as I started to develop my routine, I became more comfortable and didn’t care as much about the impression I gave to the people around me.
Some days, I’m more comfortable riding transit than others. I’ve noticed that when it’s a really nice day out, the bus will be more full, which totally makes sense. But on these days, as more people get on the bus, I can feel my blood pressure rising and my privacy screen coming up.
Photo - From the Counselor's Desk
Knapp and Hall's book also says that we compensate for close quarters, when our personal space is invaded, by being less open or more private.
Along with that familiarity comes another thing: territoriality.2 I’m a creature of habit (aren’t we all?), and I like to sit in the same spot all the time. Wednesday mornings, when I get on the bus, the same guy is always sitting in the very back, in the same seat. That’s not a problem for me anyways, I don’t like the very back of the bus – it’s way too warm back there. I usually sit in the first seat of the back section, but last Wednesday, this guy was sitting in my seat when I got on! I know it isn’t technically my seat. I don’t own it, and my name isn’t scratched into it (I wouldn't do that), but it’s where I always sit, and he knows that! I felt personally attacked! I ended up sitting somewhere else that day, and now I’ve almost permanently moved places. It’s like I was evicted or something.
Now, there’s something this guy always does that drives me crazy. Maybe you’ve seen this blog on tumblr, “Men Taking Up Too Much Space on the Train,” or maybe this short Buzzfeed about that blog.
Photo - Glamour Paris
Well, this guy does take up too much space. I guess it doesn’t really matter when no one else is on the bus, but it still bothers me. He sits slouched down, with his legs spread wide apart, all across the back section. It’s no surprise that men and women are different in the way that we take up space – after all, we’re different in the way we communicate verbally, right?2 I also did some research into public spaces in general and found some interesting info on how we show respect in public. We all adhere to an unwritten set of rules when in public (at least we’re expected to), but there are some that are particularly interesting.
We show respect and familiarity through things like greetings and gestures, like hand waves or smiles.
While I was still new to the whole bus thing, I generally got on the bus without acknowledging the driver much at all. But on those days now when I have the same bus driver all the time, we both smile at each other and say good morning, because we are familiar with each other and respect each other. I’ve noticed that when I get on the bus at an unusual time or on a different route, I will be less likely to greet the driver and smile, or say thank you when I get off.
This is possibly because of the human tendency to prioritize practical goals over personal ones. On the bus, my main objective is to get from Point A to Point B. When I get on a bus that I probably won’t ride again in the near future, I don’t see the practical need to be as friendly with those around me. However, when I get on one of my usual buses, I prioritize my social goals to make my future trips more pleasant.
Hopefully now that I know why I behave a certain way on the bus, I can more consciously be friendly in my interactions with others.
If you want to learn more about interpersonal communications or proxemics, check out this book or this book.
Notes
1Knapp, M. L. & Hall, J. A. (2010). Nonverbal communication in human interaction (7th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
2Trenholm, S. & Jensen, A. (1996). Interpersonal communication (3rd ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
